Sample Scholarships Compo / Ejemplo de redacción sobre becas

This exercise is based on an opinion essay written by a pupil.
Este ejercicio esta basado en una redacción de opinión escrita por una alumna.

Sample Scholarships Compo

Read the composition below and circle the mistakes with a red ballpen or pencil. Number and correct them below the text.

Redaction

I know that scholarships are good to meet people and to visit another countries.People are happy when they get scholarships to learn a new language and practice it and they can study in a popular and important university.
There are many kinds of scholarships and all are good for the people. The scholarships for books are very goods and importants for the people because much families haven´t got very money for schoolbooks and this scholarships help them to pay for the books. A minority of students use your scholarships for another kinds of thing, for example to buy a guitar or a computer.
In conclusion, my opinion is that scholarships are very important and goods for the people, but another people use them very bad.


Compare the corrections you made with these ones:

Redaction (Composition: My Opinion on Scholarships)*

I know that scholarships are good to meet people and to visit another (other) countries. People are happy when they get scholarships to learn a new language and practice it and they can study in a popular and important university.
There are many kinds of scholarships and all are good for the (X) people. The scholarships for books are very goods and importants (good and important) for the (X) people because much (many) families haven´t got very (much) money and can´t pay for schoolbooks and this (these) scholarships help them to pay for the books. A minority of students use your (their) scholarships for another (other) kinds of thing (things), for example to buy a guitar or a computer.
In conclusion, my opinion is that scholarships are very important and goods (good) for the (X) people, but another (other) people use them very bad (badly).


*About the title: In titles, words that have more than three letters have to start with a capital letter even if they normally wouldn´t.


Read the rounded text below asking yourself why it is a better version of the texts above.

My Opinion on Scholarships

There are many kinds of scholarships and all are good. Why? Because they are useful and they make people happy. Some scholarships permit (allow) people to learn a foreign language and practice it in the foreign country. Others allow people to study in a popular and important (famous and exclusive) university. They can help people meet other people too. There are also more modest scholarships that are nevertheless very useful (helpful). Like those that help students buy books. Many families have little money and can´t pay for (afford) schoolbooks. Other scholarships help people buy other things they need to study, for example a guitar or a computer. Of course, there are always people who use scholarships badly. But in conclusion, my opinion is that scholarships are very important and good for people.


Yes or No?
1. It is completely different.
2. The first line tells us exactly what this opinion essay will be about, including what the writer´s opinion is.
3. The different kinds of scholarships are organized in better order.
4. It uses a lot more adjectives and adverbs.
5. A few words are more carefully chosen.

6. The idea that some people don´t use scholarships well is not the last thing written. It is inserted into the text before reaching the final conclusion.